I did not wake up at 5 a.m. this morning. I had been awake for some time already. I did get out of bed around that time, though, and made my way downstairs to sit in the quiet hours. Conversations from the previous day were lingering through the night and in those waking moments, still persisted in my thoughts.
The conversation was about raising children...
that topic. Honestly, I have awesome kids. No, I mean awesome. I've read the gamut of books on the topic and found them useful and worthless. Not one of these author's has raised my child...and I'm not raising yours, but I can tell you what I've learned about life through my experience as a mother. For what it's worth, there's no secret formula and we're all just learning along the way. What a teacher parenting is:)
One of the best things I've come to realize as a parent is that my kids are going to make mistakes...and that's okay. My job is to help them grow through those mistakes and to empower them to choose well, all the while extending grace.
Before I could ever give these gifts to my kids, I had to realize them for myself. My example is my children's first lesson in living. They will mirror my behavior and attitudes about life. Being able to extend grace to myself is a really peaceful place. It's a place where I can say, "Okay, I blew it...let's grow." It's all about, as Thich Nhat Hanh would say, turning compost into flowers....gotta love the compost and flowers.
But the best gift we can give our children is power...the power to choose well.
A few words we use often in our house are: Wisdom, Compassion, Empathy, and Kindness. I tell my children what I believe is absolutely true...that they have all the wisdom they need inside of them to make good choices. The tools to uncover this wisdom are learned. We have the opportunity to teach them to use these tools, by teaching them what these simple concepts mean...and starting young! Don't underestimate kids...and don't lecture them. They get it more than we think. They need the opportunity to solve problems and settle disputes on their own. Ask questions that don't require answers, but action. Then trust them to work it through. Kids can be surprising.
Here are a few concepts to start with (the four I mentioned above) and the definitions I give my kids:
Wisdom: knowing what is right, and doing it
Empower your kids by reminding them that they do have all the wisdom they need right inside them. All they need is the tools...a questioning mind and a desire for truth.
Compassion: the ability to see a need and meet it
Children are naturally compassionate if you give them a chance...expose them to others in need. Don't be afraid to let your kids see the reality of suffering in the world.
Empathy: the ability to feel what others are feeling
Of course, we can't ever feel exactly what others, in their particular circumstances, are feeling. But we can learn to put ourselves in their proverbial shoes and discover what we would feel in their circumstances. Kids are great at this...just ask them. Reading is a great cultivator of this skill, too...children love putting themselves in the place of characters...and they'regood at it.
Kindness: acting with goodness
This wraps it up. The golden rule in short...be kind.
You want a list of rules in your house that will help your children grow?
1.Use Your Wisdom
2.Use Your Compassion
3.Use Your Empathy
4.Treat Each Other With Love and Kindness
My dear child, you have inside you, the potential for good and for evil. You have everything you need to choose well: A mind, to think; A heart, to feel; and a body, to act. You will make mistakes. When you do, give yourself grace. Love the lesson. You will grow in wisdom. Embrace life. And when you pray, let your prayer be 'yes' and 'thank you.'
